Post-Week 2 Rewatch Power Rankings - and 32 Things I Got Wrong

 

#16 Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins (35 – 0)

No Brainer

Burn the ball and bury the ashes. I thought there might be something worth talking about the Dolphins after what I expected to be a loss. Xavien Howard got another pick. Defense forced another fumble. They were only down 14, and the defense didn't give up, but... ugh.

I thought the Bills had no running game and no pass rush? I guess you can have anything you want in Miami.

#15 New England @ New York Jets (25 – 6)

Another No Brainer

The Jets weren't competitive. So much for that. Should I have expected Zach Wilson to throw four picks? Maybe. But I thought they'd score a few tuds, too.

New England's defense is coming together sooner than I figured. Again, I shouldn't be surprised. But I really thought they'd let the Jets move against them. Damn, every time I think Billy B might suck twice in a row....

#14 San Fransisco 49ers @ Philadelphia Eagles (17 – 11)

Fireworks, Please?

Turns out I don't always love defensive football. I expect this 49ers team to flirt with 50 ever week. Anything less is going to be a disappointment for me. The only thing that saves this game from dropping from the #1 spot to the #16 spot is I'd like to know how Jimmy G looks and whether Shanahan shouldn't be scripting to give the team to Lance.

Who knew Philly's D was so good? While I'm asking that, I was also wrong that the Eagles were going to score points and make this a game. It was – a game – but not high schoring. Did we learn anything from this game? I don't know yet.

#13 Houston Texans @ Cleveland Browns (21 - 31)

No Tyrod = No Fun

Houston were much more difficult to defeat once Tyrod Taylor and Danny Amendola went down than I thought possible. I didn't really watch this game, but Mills didn't look like anything less than a serviceable career backup.

I think I jynxed Jarvis Landry. I was thinking a lot before the game about how different Miami would be with Landry. And then the Browns got to learn how reliable he actually is. ...Until the killer fumble in a close game. Which didn't happen, I know. Browns should have won this game, what more is there to say?

#12 Los Angeles Rams @ Indianapolis Colts (27 – 24)

Wentz a Danger to Himself and His Offense

I thought this would be easier for Los Angeles. I really thought they'd have a game not unlike the 49ers had in Week 1. Colts defense is legit, or growing pains for Stafford/McVay?

I really expected Frank Reich would coach Wentz in a way that he would take. If that is the takeaway from Wentz's career in PHI, then it's the narrative so far. Awkward phrasing. Moving on from this dumpsterfire.

#11 Atlanta Falcons @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Ice's Picks

The wacky thing that happened in this game is Tom Brady throwing five TDs - and that the game was still close before two pick-sixes by the Falcons. God damn.

Matt Ryan is old. I didn't think the decline was coming. And I really thought they'd find a way to get Kyle Pitts involved in this offense. Is it because no one is going to let him beat them?

#10 Denver Broncos @ Jacksonville Jaguars (23 – 13)

Teddy Two Tugs

Does it count that I was wrong that Lawrence would throw three picks? The Jaguars' offense is maybe the worst thing I've ever seen, adjusted for the Phenom quarterback. The look on Urban Meyer's face when he was asked if he was outcoached was priceless.

I really thought the Broncos would put more points up. Jerry Jeudy hurts, but only a few months ago Broncos fans were complaining about having too many wideouts to root for/target adequately. Next man up.

#9 New York Giants @ Washington Football Team (29 - 30)

Sit Down and Enjoy a Heinicke

The Giants had a chance and it was a high scoring game. Danny Dimes still looks better running than throwing. I don't know what that's about.

Cam isn't better than Heinicke. It's still early to say that. Heinicke has plenty of time to shit the bed. But I like his arm. I like his moxxie. And it's not like he doesn't have experience playing the game. The longer he plays, the better this Football Team will look.

#8 Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers (17 - 35)

Manning Monday

Detroit looked poised – in the first half.

Green Bay remembered to play defense without Za'Darius Smith.

This game goes right in the middle spot, where I put it originally, and where it belongs. I've already devoted too many words to it today.

# 7 Cincinnati Bengals @ Chicago Bears (17 - 20)

Young QBs, Good Ds

The Bengals are “interesting”. But not like the Browns of the past have been. Jesus, I've never rooted for a team so hard for three quarters, then against them so hard in the fourth. Lou Anaroumo is coaching the shit out of the defense. I do not see Zac Taylor sticking around – if the Bengals were another organization. Say hello to your new Marvin Lewis.

The Bears aren't interesting at all. I thought they and this game would bore me. I also thought I would get more Andy Dalton.

#6 Minnesota Vikings @ Arizona Cardinals (33 -34)

What Happened?

I was wrong to put this game so low on my list. Even at 6, this feels too low. The Vikings heartbreak eases my guilt.

The Vikings ended up looking silly, but not because of the Cardinals.

If I had GamePass, this is actually the first game I would fire up. It's not the game I would tell anyone I fired up first. But I followed Rich Eisen tweeting about it, and I am fascinated to know: What happened?

#5 Dallas @ Los Angeles Chargers (20 – 17)

Good Game

This game felt like an NFL Classic. Who saw that coming from Brandon Staley and Mike McCarthy – a coaching-type game?

Who expected the penalties and for it to not be the Chargers who bungled the Clock at the end? That last minute of the game was a disaster. The Cowboys are lucky this didn't get to overtime, I think.

Too bad, huh?

#4 New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers (7 – 26)

What Happened?

I did not know the Saints were so ruined with injuries. They were down their top two corners and their top pass rusher? That's significant. But what I was most wrong about was ignoring the impact of losing so many coaches to COVID.

I really didn't have much to say about Carolina, did I? I called the forced turnovers. I was right that the defense was going to play well, but I was wrong that they were going to let the Saints score nearly at will. Is Carolina's defense legit?

#3 Kansas City @ Baltimore Ravens (35 – 36)

Baltimore's Run Game!

I'm becoming a Ravens fan. I can't help it. The running game is just too good. The games are dramatic, they never give up on being who they are – on either side of the ball – and Odafe Oweh used to go by his middle name, Jayson, because people couldn't pronounce Odafe. They'll be able to pronounce it now!

The Kansas City Chiefs aren't immortal in September. I didn't really say that, but I was thinking it. Mahomes is too good. The Chiefs are too healthy. They should have won this game. Still can't believe they let the Ravens Chief them.

#2 Las Vegas Raiders @ Pittsburgh Steelers (26 – 17)

Biggest Surprise Award

The Raiders have someone other than Waller to throw to in big spots. And not just one guy. Hunter Renfrow and Henry Ruggs III are elevating the play of Derek Carr, which is everything A John Gruden offense needs.

The Steelers aren't able to score, slow down the game, or win without Ben's arm. And those are all problems. I expected this Steelers to be a 30-point-type team. Not so much. Gotta be able to run the ball and throw it downfield. How badly hurt is TJ Watt?

#1 Tennessee Titans @ Seattle Seahawks (33 – 30)

Tannehill Recovers?

I said Tannehill wouldn't have two Tannehill games in a row. Dear Tennessee fans: I'm sorry. I know how you feel. But, hey, you have King James!

Russ burnt the salsa. Me too, man. Me too. You leave it cooking, even at a low temperature, for too long – and you burn the damned salsa and you just feel like an asshole. Tyler Lockett, though. His stop-start quickness and change of direction at the point of the catch is fuckin stupid.

We did it!

We made it to the end of another week of NFL football, and you made it to the other side of the rabbithole of my thoughts. Thanks for that, by the way. I'm sure there will be more where that came from. When? Before 8:00 on Thursday, if I'm doing this right!