Tuesday Afternoon Hair of the Dog: Week 6 Game Rewatch Power Rankings

 

This week's Game Rewatch Power Rankings have changed the game.

I started this experiment (for clicks) as a way to organize the questions I have about the teams and my degree of interest in them. I thought it might be interesting to see how teams I like matchup with teams I don't, and what that does for my interest in their contests. Well, that's gotten me through five weeks of rankings, and it's been fun.

But, sitting down this morning with the BUF/TEN contest still very fresh in my mind and looking at the slate of games and knowing that I didn't really talk about anything but Miami yesterday, I looked at last week's Game Power Rankings and saw something different this time. I doubt this is my eureka moment. What I saw is is that my interest in certain teams outweighed my actual interest in the games.

Many of this week's games feel out of place as far as the order of going back and studying them – even to me. But I had to be honest with myself, and this is what I've come up with:

Week 6 Game Rewatch Power Rankings

#14 Miami Dolphins (1-5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) In London

What more is there to say about this spot in the rankings than that I don't want to watch this game ever again? I don't want to think about this game ever again. I don't want to consider what it means that my head coach lost a game of roshambo that he didn't need to be in in the first place. You look foolish encouraging Urban Meyer to repeatedly kick you in the nuts. Even more foolish when you don't win the game!

Miami's ugly performance aside, Trevor Lawrence didn't play well enough to buoy this game. Jacksonville should have lost, but didn't. Give it up to the players, especially Lawrence, for getting that play off and the time out called within seven seconds. Who can run a play and get a timeout inside eight seconds? Urban Meyer's squad can. Or is it Darrell Bevell, the man I've wanted Miami to target as OC for half a decade now?

Time to rinse and spit and see which one of these head coaches survives the season.

#13 Seattle Seahawks (2-4) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (3-3)

This game was maybe as pitiful a display of football as anything I've watched all season.

Do I think the Seahawks could have won this game with Russell Wilson? Not with the gameplan they used on offense. For anyone who was saying Geno was legitimately the answer for this team, I have news for you: he's a backup behind a QB who doesn't miss time for a reason. We were reminded why against the Steelers alright at best defense. Joe Haden is playing way too many significant snaps on the outside for me to give more than a thumbs-up for Pittsburgh's defensive effort.

And really that's why this game is here. I'm going to go back and rewatch it, but I don't think I'm going to see anything I didn't see Sunday Night.

This is what I wrote about this contest in the Game Rankings : (I had them in the #7 spot) “I am more interested in this game than those previous, though. And almost entirely for Geno and Roethlisberger's receivers. I think the teams are a wash, otherwise. And I think the Steelers steal this one and their three losses look like anomalies for the rest of the season. The Seahawks, though.... Colin Cowherd will be wondering on Monday whether Pete Carroll should remain the head coach, and Rich Eisen will be defending his Hall of Fame status.”

I'm feeling puh-retty good about those predictions right now. I didn't check out Eisen or Cowherd yesterday. Does it count if they talk about it today? I should have said 'in the week.'

Najee Harris is too good not to watch. The game falls in the Rewatch Rankings, but it was good to see the Steelers defense stifle a bad offense. I think we're going to be making too much out of ordinary throws from Big Ben until he retires – and that annoys me.

#12 Tampa Bay buccaneers (5-1) @ Philadelphia Eagles (2-4)

Does this game's place in these Rankings surprise anyone? The entire football universe got as much of a look at this contest as anyone needs to see. It climbs above the other two because of the quarterbacks: Tom Brady is still good and still has things to teach the football public, and Jalen Hurts was bad but showed me something I think the fans of his team can count on for another ten years: fight.

He keeps the ball too much and plays too much Hero Ball – but he has fight in him that I can only envy. I wish Tua had any kind of fight in him.

“Jalen Hurts needs to get better on third down. That's what I see. The team is 15^th in the League at 40.32% through the season. (Damn, that might be the most sports writer thing I've ever written. I looked up a stat and everything.) 38.89%. That's where their offense is after Week 6. That drops them to 18^th. Just one spot beneath the Dolphins, as fate would have it.

I still like the Eagles offense. I would still encourage Miami's coordinators to study Philadelphia's film. Hurts just has to hand the ball off on some of these RPOs. The yardage is there. It really goes back to the differences in the college and pro games – and that has to be a discussion for another time, because I'm noticing it in the takeaways from fans who watch a lot of college ball. So, let's put a pin in Jalen Hurts for now.

#11 Los Angeles Rams (5-1) @ New York Giants (1-5)

Dear gods— (I'm whipping off my glasses, here) How did this game get so high on this list?

Yeah. Remember how I said I saw something different this week than in weeks past? It started here. Because of course I started at the bottom of the list to determine whether it should change. And what I saw is that even though I have next to no interest in even watching the highlights of this game – I am most certainly going to start here before I start with any of the other games I've already mentioned.

But I said it in the blurb for this game: “This game jumps right off the schedule to me. But maybe not because it's interesting.”

#FuckinNailedIt

If I'm going to have anything interesting or informed to say, this is basically where I'm going to have to start diving into film and interviews. And this is the one I dread doing that most.

There are two things you need to know about this game if you haven't watched it: Daniel Jones gave it away in the first half, and the bet that Daniel Jones would be better with Sterling Sheperd and Evan Engram and no Odell Beckham Jr. has proven to be a miserable failure.

The Giants' defense were in this game the entire time. Even down 28 points in the third quarter they're wreaking havoc on the Rams' offense. The problem is that DJ kept giving them short fields to defend. And there's really only so much you can do against Sean McVay, regardless of his quarterback or his level of play, in the redzone.

If you want to know what's going on with the Rams – I'm not sure. Sony Michel is only effective if he's running straight, and McVay seems to be struggling to get him straight-forward runs. But it doesn't really matter when you've got Robert Woods and Cooper Kupp on the outside.

Only Rams fans really need to watch this game.

#10 Arizona Cardinals (6-0) @ Cleveland Browns (3-3)

What the Hell happened to the Browns offense?

They switched to this game from the Chargers/Ravens contest to show us something “more competitive”. Yeah, okay.

Somehow I missed that Cliff Kingsbury didn't go to this game because of COVID? The offense I was watching did not look like it had no dedicated playcaller. Is Kyler Murray Bob Griese? You know that's why he's in the HOF, right – he never had an offensive coordinator or playcaller, called his own plays, drew a lot of em up in the dirt in the huddle? Yeah. Holy shit, Kyler Murray is a quarterback.

I have a draft for a piece sitting in my computer right now that's exploring what it takes to be a franchise quarterback. I've identified three traits: they have to be a general, a scholar, and a murderer (of men's dreams, at least). Kyler is much further along in all three of those categories than I knew.

“The Cardinals are a really fuckin good team. Even with Maxx Williams out for the season (oof), this team just has too many weapons to defend. It's up to Darrell Williams and Demetrius Harris to step up between the hashes for Murray. He's going to need to attack the middle of the Browns defense on short and intermediate routes, getting the ball out quick, if he's going to survive the Browns' pass rush – especially if the shoulder actually is going to affect his play.” ...Yeah, okay, so none of that was right. And now the Cards have Zach Ertz.

Oh, Baker.

I just ate Daniel Jones' lunch for ugly picks and fumbles in the pocket. What are you doing out there?

Baker dug his team a 20 – 0 hole in the first quarter. You just don't come back from that – not against the Cardinals defense – not against the Cardinals' offense. Through six weeks, there are a few things we can say for certain about Cleveland's recajiggered defense: Jadeveon Clowney and Myles Garret work, opposite one another. Clowney is suddenly a pass rusher. Denzel Ward is the real deal, and missing him is hurting worse than I think any but the hardest of the hardcore fans knew. Losing JOK in this game hurts. How bad is Kareem Hunt's injury?

Is this Browns' season lost to injury before it's really begun?

#9 Houston Texans (1-5) @ Indianapolis Colts (2-4)

Okay, so I couldn't have been more wrong about how the score of this game was going to go. I thought this would be close. 31-3 is not close. But the first half was. What happened is the Colts started running the ball. I was going to ask whether the Texans defense fell apart in the second half or what, but no. The defense played well. Jonathan Taylor “Thomas” is just a monster. He was the difference in a contest where the Colts defense showed up big in a huge spot.

I don't think the Texans offense played poorly. Davis Mills is exactly what he is: a third-round quarterback. But he's not playing poorly – he's just got no one to throw to. I was interested to watch this game to see what happened. But if I had this order to do over again, I don't know if I let these QBs into the top-ten

If only because there's really nothing interesting to say about this game. Carson Wentz isn't the answer, he's not a super hero, but he has enough talent on the outside to convince Frank Reich he has a pass-first offense; when really this is a ground and pound operation and only looks good when it's handing the ball to one of its fifteen backs.

#8 Los Angeles Chargers (4-2) @ Baltimore Ravens (5-1)

I took a nap at the end of the 1:00 games, and woke up with Latavius Murray's touchdown run. I guess I missed the best part of the Chargers' contribution to this game. Because the rest was a total snooze. The Los Angeles defense looked beaten by the next drive. How do you give Lamar Jackson such a clean pocket?

Is it just me, or does Hollywood Brown move like a newborn colt, like he's just learning to walk? It's kind of funny.

The Herbert interception deep in the second quarter just makes me roll my eyes and pull my lips tight against my teeth. I feel like I've been saying all season that he has to stop throwing into traffic across the middle. Just because you're a gangster doesn't mean those aren't low-probability catches. It's one thing to throw a rocket, it's another for it to actually catch the tight end. In this instance, it caught the defender. Bummer. Then The Chargers defense wakes up for the back-to-back picks, and you're thinking the Chargers are going to get this thing figured out.

Don't get your hopes up.

If you're a Chargers fan, this one sucks for you. If you are a Tua fan and you want Herbert to take his lumps, too, then you'll love this one. I haven't put this up this high because it's a game I would especially recommend. It sets the standard for the games I do recommend.

#7 Kansas City Chiefs (3-3) @ Washington Football Team (2-4)

This matchup makes me wonder why the Kansas City Native population aren't upset about the Chiefs' name and mascot. But the question I have going into rewatching it, knowing nothing but the score and that Tyreek was thought to be lost for the game at one point, then scored, is what happened to the Football Team's offense? I was feeling confident enough about Washington's ability to boat race KC to tweet it out around halftime. Then Kansas City's defense comes alive? That's what I'm rewatching to find out: What the Hell happened – did KC's defense come to life, or did Heinicke go into the recycling bin?

Oh my god, no. Taylor Heinicke didn't suddenly become trash. I love that guy. How many times do you have to tackle him? Haha I couldn't find a video of the play. Guess you'll have to watch the game to know what I'm talking about. The defenses just showed up to play in this one. I'd really have to watch this one several times to get more of a feel for it than that. But that's why it's this high in the Rankings, isn't it?

#6 Minnesota Vikings (3-3) @ Carolina Panthers (3-3)

The Vikings found themselves in another overtime contest, and the Panthers “have to figure out our identity without Christian McCaffrey,” according to head coach Matt Rhule. Matty Rhule is also taking shots at his quarterback, telling Darnold that he's “not playing well enough” to the media while also admitting they “haven't been committed enough to running the ball.” Ugly, ugly stuff out of both of these teams, but they managed to make it to .500 through six weeks. Anything is still open to both of them.

Well, anything but winning their divisions. The Bays Green and Tampa are doing that.

To be fair to Rhule, though – when your quarterback throws an interception on the first series after standing in a completely clean pocket for more than 5 seconds, I figure you can get away with saying he's not playing well enough. You have to throw it away there. Or scramble for a few yards. Christ, Darnold.

That said, Darnold isn't the problem in Charlotte. The playcalling is. Chuba Hubbard is a more than serviceable running back. The game is tight, but somehow Darnold finishes 17/41 for 207, a TD and an INT, but Hubbard only gets 16 carries. The game was tight! I'd be furious, and I can understand why Panthers fans and media are asking for Brady to get sacked.

Love that Dolphins fans want a guy who's about to get sacked.

The Vikings are the Vikings. The Panthers have a very good defense and an offense that should be better. What do the Vikings have? Their defense played well – because the Panthers gameplan didn't make any sense. But the offense? I know the Vikings were up 11 with 5 minutes left to play and that they won this game. But come on, Minnesota.

#5 Cincinnati Bengals (4-2) @ Detroit Lions (3-3)

How did this sneak so far up here? That's what I'm talking about. I'm more curious to see how the Lions offense has fallen apart, and more excited to see how the Bengals are coming along than I am concerned with the outcome of this game. I want to watch this one more than the ones before it.

Pretty impressed with myself. I feel like I called this game exactly the way it happened. I wasn't even all that off from my 35-3 projection. (It ended 35 – 11)

The Effort of the Lions defense jumps off the screen. Whether it's scheme or personnel that's leaving them lacking, I can only assume it's the latter – but the effort is there. As bad as this score got, the defense were making plays and giving effort. The offense looked like it did not want to be there at all. Which makes me think that maybe Goff doesn't have those traits I alluded to earlier. Other than desperation shots to TJ Hockenson, what do the Lions have on offense? Amon-Ra St. Brown falling down in his routes and otherwise getting physically outmatched at the point of attack? I blow a raspberry at this team.

Cincinnati on the other hand, have a great offense. A great offense with, as Joe Burrow said, a lot of work to do. But when they get it right? Whew. Look out. Burrow and Chase are already nasty. Once Tyler Boyd starts to contribute every week, and if they can continue getting work out of Mixon and Evans in the backfield, this team is cooking with gas – they've already got a knockout defense.

#4 Las Vegas Raiders (4-2) @ Denver Broncos (3-3)

What a time to be moderately interested in the the AFC West and willing to allow the Raiders room for redemption in my heart. This should probably be my game of the week, and not left outside the top-3. The problem is that for as interested in what the Raiders have done, I just can't bring myself to want to watch the Broncos impode. But I do want to know how it happened. Thus, here we are - #4.

“ The Raiders are in a tough spot. Interim coach, a nuclear bomb of grief and mistrust is dropped on the whole organization— It's gonna be rough for them to suit up, Sunday. But they did it last weekend. So they've gotten through the hardest part. Do they show up and play for their coach, who is an acknowledged “Gruden Guy”? I don't know. I want to believe they will. But the Saints bit me in the ass Week 2, when I thought coaches and negative emotions took a backseat to being the best you can be at work.”

The Broncos played so badly after their opening drive, they felt like they were in Garbage Time going into the second quarter. This was the Raiders' game to lose. It felt like it going into the game, and nothing about this contest changes my mind about that.

“Raiders win, 28-27 in an emotional come from behind that starts with a defensive turnover in the third quarter. Carr leads like we haven't seen since the Del Rio days, and the Raiders look like they're going to make noise again moving forward. The Broncos, however, are in free-fall. The fans are going berserk, and Vic Fangio is officially on the Hot Seat.”

I got the emotional part right. Carr didn't play especially well, but he didn't have to: his team was scoring with relative ease in a game they were running away with. The touchdown going into halftime was Carr trying to make an easier field goal – his runner did the work of staying in bounds. No Bronco challenged him on the sideline.

Teddy B doesn't get a nickname anymore after that performance. Sorry, Tedrick. When are these QBs going to figure out that you can't throw rockets at the hands of tight ends in coverage? You throw picks. They're almost guaranteed to be incomplete and popped up in the air. Le sigh. You're supposed to be smarter than that, Teddy.

I feel good about where I thought these teams were headed. I don't know how the Broncos fix this.

#3 Dallas Cowboys (5-1) @ New England Patriots (2-4)

Wow.

“The Cowboys are not a regular team. The Cowboys are star-studded and don't have anyone listed on their injury report with a negative status for Sunday. This feels like a 50-0 blowout, but Belichick doesn't get his ass kicked that bad.

“Cowboys win 31-29. I think Mac does manage to keep it close – just maybe in Garbage Time.”

I got enough of that right. The Patriots kept it close. Their defense played well enough, and Mac Jones bounced back from scoring a touchdown for the Cowboys in the best way possible – a touchdown for his team the next play. But by the time the Overtime period had begun, this game was pretty well decided. The Cowboys weren't going to lose.

This game lands in this spot not because I have any questions for either of these teams or feel like there's anything special to take away from it. It was just a good game. You should watch it.

#2 Green Bay Packers (5-1) @ Chicago Bears (3-3)

This game climbs four spots to #2 not because I want to watch Aaron Rodgers own the Bears, but because I want to watch Justin Fields. Even in a loss, he's among the most interesting things in football to me. Whatever It is, I've seen It with him. That same something I complained so long yesterday about not seeing in Tua but recognizing immediately in Trevor Lawrence.

“Do not be surprised if this game plays out like the GB/CIN game – or like any of CHI's Justin Field's starts: These teams are going to go back and forth in what looks is shaping up to be a defensive contest – then the quarterbacks are gonna go nuts in the second half. Green Bay has to get the run game going – because I trust Chicago to lean heavily on David Montgomery.”

Hoo, boy, when I say stupid things, I say the stupidest things. David Montgomery was already on IR when I wrote that. Khalil Herbert was more than sufficient in replacing him. The Bears could have won this game. They were in it until the fourth quarter. I don't really know what happened. This feels like a game you sit down to a lunch with a notebook and really dive in. I feel like there's a lot to be learned about both of these teams.

I'd be watching this one back immediately if I had Game Pass. The whole three-hour experience.

#1 Buffalo Bills (4-2) @ Tennessee Titans (4-2)

Talk about overcoming adversity to remain atop your Division. Everybody, I give you the Tennessee Titans. What a game. What a struggle. What an offensive performance.

What a bummer that Taylor Lewan got hurt. Evidently he's a dirty player? I had never heard this til I saw people sniping him on Twitter during and after the injury. Which is... just bad form.

I kind of took my eye off this game in the second half. I was thinking about other things, preparing for today's piece, still working through my emotions with Miami, and all of a sudden I realize I'm about to watch the Titans steal this game. Which – I should have known better. The Titans defense in the first half was getting it done, limiting the League's highest-scoring offense to field goals. The problem was that Tannehill looked like he was going to have another Tannehill kind of night. He throws the picks across the middle in the first half, and you're like, Here we go, the Bills are going to score here, then get the ball back and score again, and this game is going to be over. They scored. But only a field goal. So then you're telling yourself if you want the Titans to win – I picked the Bills to win, but I'm always going to root for them to lose – if the Titans can get a drive going, here, they can get 7 points and be up. Well, only one of those things happens.

The next play from scrimmage, Derrick Henry takes it 76 yards to the house. An extra point later, and the Titans are leading a contest they should already be down two scores in.

They made a big deal about it during the broadcast, but seven lead changes is unusual, and is the recipe for a great Monday night game.

If I made coffee when I started my day today, I would have opened Game Pass and put on the condensed version of this game.

A guy can dream.

That's all he wrote!

Well, it's not. But that's all I'm going to write about the games in this Game Rewatch Power Rankings.

I'm sure I'll be back around today. I have several topics starting to logjam in my head. Maybe that's why I got the Rankings out early. It is a shame, though. I was all ready to title this post Wanking Wednesday and everything.