Tuesday Evening Hair of the Dog: Week 4 Game Rewatch Rankings

 

Another fun slate of games. Monday Night was no exception.

Rather than a recap of last night's game, I decided to let the blurb run long. (Find it toward the end of this list.)

So let's just dive into it, your Tuesday Evening Hair of the Dog:

Week 4 Game Rewatch Rankings

#16 Colts (1-3) @ Dolphins (1-3) (Prev #8)

Well, just... fuck my life. I could not have been more wrong about what I said about this game and more right about how I felt about it going in. If, if, if. If I had a dollar for everytime I said, “If the Dolphins...” and they let me down, I'd have a handful of bucks. It's really not that big a deal.

What is a big deal is that Miami couldn't beat a severely limited team. You are your record – and Miami is 1-3. The season's not over, but the margin for error just got razor-thin.

I wouldn't rewatch this game if you paid me. Actually, wait—! That's not true.

#15 Texans (1-3) @ Bills (3-1) (Prev #13)

Yeah. Only Bills fans are coming back to watch this game first. I haven't even bothered with the highlight reel. You see enough with the halftime recap (lol) and the box score. The Bills are scary – the Texans are bad. Together you get a scary-bad game. Welcome to October.

#14 Chiefs (2-2) @ Eagles (1-3) (Prev #16)

Some weeks you're playing the Eagles, and some weeks you're playing the Chiefs. This week, the Chiefs were fortunate to be the ones playing the Eagles – and the Eagles got the bullet in the chamber with the Chiefs. Tyreek Hill had three touchdowns. Patrick Mahomes threw no interceptions. The KC running game was working. It doesn't matter who they play – if you can say those three things, the Chiefs are more than likely going to win. They did.

If I'm organizing these based on a fantasy film study lineup, which I am, then I'm in no hurry to watch this game. What am I going to learn, that the Eagles don't matchup well in any way with the Chiefs? It overtakes the Dolphins and Bills only because I'd be interested to watch Jalen Hurts. Other than that, burn the tape for all three of these first games.

#13 Ravens (3-1) @ Broncos (3-1) (Prev #5)

Among the most precipitous falls on this weekend's rankings. Especially considering I said I'm a Ravens fan. But let's get right to it: the reason I don't want to watch this game is because this is exactly the kind of game the Ravens have a few times a season and why I have perennially rooted against them: to devastatingly unnecessarily rough hits in a row remove another Broncos receiver and Teddy Bridgewater from the game.

Both were flagrant, and both went uncalled.

This is why we hate the Ravens, Ravens fans.

I don't want to watch this game. I do want to see how the offense looked.

Next.

#12 Steelers (1-3) @ Packers (3-1) (Prev #15)

Wow. This stinker of a contest move up three spots. How bad are the games before this?

That's what I imagine you're asking, because I imagine you skimmed through the rankings before reading the blurbs and double-take landed on this one first.

Pretty bad, though – that's the answer.

You can read what I thought of this game in yesterday's piece.

It was funny seeing Cobb knock down a pass intended for Adams. That's probably the closest thing you're going to see to dysfunction for this offense the rest of the way forward. Cobb makes me feel even better about my prediction that Aaron Rodgers is going to have a better season that last year, forcing his name into the MVP conversation again than I did when I said it.

Week 1, you can kiss my assssssssss!

#11 Browns (3-1) @ Vikings (1-3) (Prev #2)

This is the most precipitous drop on the list. And would be so much lower if a) I hadn't watched it live and b) I didn't know you could watch the Vikings first drive, then fast forward through all but the entire rest of this game without seeing much of anything interesting offensively. So I know the defense was good, at least. And that would be fun to watch again. Especially Greedy Williams' interception late in the game. Do I want to watch Baker have an off day? Do I want to watch Kirk Cousins in a Vikings uniform?

The answer to these questions is no.

#10 Jaguars (0-4) @ Bengals (3-1) (Prev #11)

I had to get this game some love. It deserved to move up for being such a good game and getting me so hype about Burrow. But it is also a matchup that doesn't really deserve to be in a top-ten anything.

Is this where I should take the time to ask what the fuck is going on with Urban Meyer?

Did he actually stick his finger in some girl's butt, or is Pat McAffee having fun? I haven't gone for independent verification cus I'm not sure I want my ad dollars to go to whoever posted this. Is this like a legitimate sexual assault situation? Or is it just a drunk old man making really really bad decisions?

It is questionable that he decided to stay in Ohio and get drunk and make poor decisions rather than getting on the plane and going to Jacksonville with his team. You know – cus that's why the players aren't allowed to stay and not fly home with the team: so they won't get into any idiot shenanigans that are going to make the player and the team look bad.

Turns out this is where I talk about it – cus that's all I have to say.

#9 Giants (1-3) @ Saints (2-2) (Prev #12)

Oh, shit. We have the Giants and Saints making an appearance in the top-ten of a list this season! Turns out this is pretty fun.

I'd like to watch this game, actually. I want to know what happened. I haven't watched the highlights, (to be honest, I feel like it would be disingenuous to rank these based on having already rewatched them) but I've listened to several people talk about it. This Saints team may never win my heart, but they have earned my interest.

The Giants... The Giants are a trainwreck. You can't help but want to watch. And they got a win? All right. (I wish you could hear that in Bob Griese's voice like I do.)

#8 Lions (0-4) @ Bears (2-2) (Prev 10)

I am either one magnanimous son of a bitch (I am) or even bad teams can be interesting. I'd like to see how Fields played. I understand this game was mostly David Montgomery – two TDs is a pretty good day when your HC is Matt Nagy.

But wait – Bill Lazor was calling plays. Bill Lazor everybody! He makes his return to the playcalling stage after a stint in Cincy following his departure from Miami. Tannehill never looked so good as he did with Bill Lazor calling the plays. And now he gets to shape the career of Fields? I'm happy for them both with this situation. And I'd like to watch how it started.

As for the Lions... I'm telling you, guys – they aren't going to win any games this year. Kneecap jokes are already old cut they haven't bitten anybody yet.

#7 Football Team (2-2) @ Falcons (1-3) (Prev #9)

This marks the start of the games whose scores I was watching the ticker to see.

I'd like to watch Heinicke. I think we all know that by now. But my understanding is that Pitts went off in this game?

Not sure. I don't really have anything to say about either of these teams. As far as how these games are being covered where I'm listening and looking – again, without specifically searching it out for the purposes of this piece – these teams may as well be irrelevant. Which makes them exactly the kind of teams I'm interested in.

Did Matty Ice get right today?

Did WFT get the season's first kickoff return TD?

More importantly, what's wrong with WFT's defense? Where did you go, Young and Sweaty?

#6 Titans (2-2) @ Jets (1-3) (Prev #14)

What in the wild, wild world of sports is going on around here? The Dolphins fall 8 spots and the Jets climb 8 spots? True enough. It's a topsy-turvy Tuesday.

Also another winless team got a victory. But more than that, I guess Zach Wilson was playing with some fire on Sunday. I caught the Overtime period – I think everyone in the EST did. I think he and Trey Lance are still the only rookie QBs I haven't watched play this year. But my memory is what it is, head trauma and all.

And what about Tannehill? From what I saw, the Titans looked like the Browns last season when all their receivers were on the COVID list. There's only so much a guy can do with nobody open to throw it to. You only throw to covered receivers the way Herbert was doing last night if you know they're going to come down with it.

I feel pretty confident saying Tannehill didn't figure his dudes were coming down with contested catches.

So I guess they just relied on Derrick Henry, huh?

How sustainable is that, Vrabel?

#5 Seahawks (2-2) @ 49ers (2-2) (Prev #6)

If these Rankings are also predictions of how good the games are going to be – which they may as well be – I nailed this one, I think. Sure, it moves up a spot, but the Broncos were so bad yesterday and the Ravens so The Ravens that something was moving up.

The NFC West is weird, and Kyler Murray made sure it's staying that way for a while. And again I talk about the Cardinals/Rams game over this one. Even after learning full-well that this was probably the better game of the two.

Man, I really do not like the Seahawks. It's jarring even for me to see it so blatantly on my screen.

So, anyway, I guess Jimmy Garoppolo got hurt and Trey Lance played like a rookie in his first start. I guess the defense just wasn't good enough to make up the difference. Bummer. They're only one game back on the team I actually want to talk about.

#4 Cardinals (4-0) @ Rams (3-1)

Ding dong diddly doo, the undefeated list down to just you – the Cardinlas. Who'd'a thunk it? I didn't thunk it. I saw this being a close one but the Rams coming out on top at home. I didn't even bother to look in to the Statistics that Sean McVay had like a seven game winning streak against them. If I'd known that I would have picked the Cardinals just to be an asshole!

But really. If I'd known that I would have figured it was time for Kyler to change things. And who saw AJ Green coming out and outperforming DeAndre Hopkins this season? Nobody, unless they were trying to be an asshole. But cool – good for Kyler – good for Kingsbury. Ol Cliff is lookin a lot more comferble on his chair, there.

Don't know why Cliff makes me think in a Southern acci'ent.

#3 Carolina Panthers (3-1) @ Dallas Cowboys (3-1)

Dallas answered the call, this weekend. I've been privately wondering where Amari Cooper's been since week one. The answer was waiting for a big enough came to explode in a huge spot, apparently.

This one has everything I want from a top-4 rewatch game: A close score, defense when it matters, and young quarterbacks balling out on teams with the records they absolutely should have.

I walk away from the box score and the highlights of this game thinking that if they played 100 times it'd swing 50%. And that is great news for both teams.

#2 Raiders (3-1) @ Chargers (3-1) (Prev #2)

I have to be honest with myself and with you in this spot. Even though the #1 and #2 spots aren't changing, and even though I've been rooting for Derek Carr and these Raiders through three weeks – I'm over em! Like dude in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, we hooked up three times, Las Vegas, and I think that's as many times as I need you in my life. I'm in love with your sister now, the Los Angeles Chargers.

I mean, have you seen Justin Herbert play? Hawooooooo-gah.

Give me that guy throwing rockets into coverage in the middle of the field through the first half of any game over anything I've seen in a Dolphins uniform in 20 years. I don't even care that he's playing for the actual lamest team in the NFL. The Superchargers? Get the fuck out of here with your whack uniforms.

But your quarterback can stay. And I owe you a mea culpa –

I've asked the Chargers whether they were going to limit themselves to throwing the ball only to Keenan Allen this year. And Herbert has responded to that like he's answering me personally by throwing the ball to Mike Williams in the biggest spots in the game. In fact, I thought Allen had a bad night last night. Pulled kind of a Mike Evans, actually, where if the QB isn't targeting him every play he suddenly has the dropsies.

Somebody is lacking concentration.

It wasn't Austin Eckeler.

That guy made a million new fans last night.

I loved the playcalling, too. I'd have to record myself doing it for you to believe me, but I basically predicted every play in their last drive. I said I didn't like running into the teeth of the defense with Larry Roundtree. I'd rather see them test the left edge of the defense with Eckeler. Next play is off-tackle left. Then I said I'd run a dive right, then isos right and left with Roundtree.

I'm calling the plays from memory, here, but it was a pretty fun moment for me. Felt like Romo.

#1 Buccaneers (3-1) @ Patriots (1-3) (Prev #1)

Do we need to go over this one again? We've already talked so much about it.

Hey! Nice to see you down here.

I feel like Grover in The Monster at the End of this Book when I do that, and my adventure with the magic of writing comes full circle every time.

Anyway, thanks! We finished another week of football, and this one's already started without me.

I want to talk about Derek Carr and his future in the NFL a little bit maybe this or next week. That's why I didn't have much to say about the Raiders in their blurb/recap. I'll give you a teaser – I went into the game taking all the speculation about whether he gets a long-term deal seriously; and I watched the game trying to evaluate whether I would like to see Derek Carr in a Dolphins' jersey next season – or even as the Trade Deadline approaches.

The answer later in the week. Along with all the other things I've promised you. I'm probably going to talk about All-Time Greatness later either this or next week, too. Justin Herbert has me feeling things. And Dolphins Twitter has me looking askance at Tua. So I'll have to process that at some point. And I'll have to justify discussing the rumor I read about how Stephen Ross is now apparently setting his eyes on Aaron Rodgers for next year.

So, more to come, in other words.

Talk at you then.