Week 5 Game Power Rankings - I Couldn't Believe Which Were the Top 3!

 

Week 5 Game Power Rankings

#16 Patriots (1-3) @ Texans (1-3)

I heard Kevin Patra say on the Around the NFL about the Lions last week that none of their players would start for any other team. Watching the Texans play the Bills, I kind of feel like you could put it this way: Davis Mills is the story of the Texans roster; it's not that he's bad – it's that he shouldn't be called on to start. The Texans are trying to hand the ball to David Johnson in short yardage, five years after he was last effectual on any down. They're bootlegging Mills on fourth and short and he doesn't have the arm or the athleticism to throw the ball around the free rusher.

It's not exactly that it's bad. It's unwatchable. It's just... a very tall task to ask the players on the roster to win a football game.

And then they're hosting the Patriots. (Whom I talked about at length already recently – [along with MIA/IND, CLE/MIN, PIT/GB, and TB.]) https://vsrabbithole.blogspot.com/2021/10/week-4-monday-morning-after-miaind.html

Their records may be the same, but no matter how far post-Brady New England has fallen, they haven't fallen so far that they'd lose to a rookie third round quarterback in this third start or whatever this is. No way. Not the way the defense played against Tampa.

If Cam hadn't been cut, this is the game we'd have circled for Mac's first start. I'm ready to see what he does against a roster of backups.

Is there anything else to say about this game? That's why it's this low.

Patriots win a modest 35 – 12.

#15 Titans (2-2) Jaguars (0-3)

[If you want it, I broke down the Jags' week 4 here.] https://vsrabbithole.blogspot.com/2021/10/thursday-night-week-4-recap-odds-n-ends.html

Tannehill is not a bad quarterback under pressure. He just takes way too many sacks for how athletic he is. Why were there not more designed runs and rollouts against the Jets, when the Titans coaches had to know they would have to one to throw to the ball to? Hubris. That's what I put last week's offensive gameplan down to. They thought they were going to bang the ball with Henry and their dudes would get open. Yeah, well, Tannehill takes sacks when dudes aren't open because he played for Joe Philbin for like five years. So.

I still get emotional about Tannehill taking sacks, apparently.

If the passing game can't get going this week against the Jags, I expect to see a lot more of Jeremy McNichols in the passing game. He looks like Maurice Jones-Drew out there. If not, I don't know whether the Jags stay winless.

I say that, but I'm not sure this is going to be a team that's exactly dialed in this week. I saw them ragging on their head coach in practice this week. This feels like one of those situations where the players start making business decisions until the coaching staff is le gone. The problem with that in JAX is that they don't like anyone on his staff. Who is going to be interim? After Five weeks? Khan would have to be out of his mind.

He had to be out of his mind to fucking hire Urban Meyer in the first place. But WTF do I know?

I learned yesterday that the Jag's DC has never called plays at any level of football. JAX fans, I'm sorry – I don't care enough about your team to go looking for information about them. I missed this somehow. That's inexcusable, right? But, then again, Vance Joseph is coaching the undefeated Cardinals defense, and if I'm not mistaken, he'd never called plays when Adam Gase promoted him.

It was Gase, right? He left Gase for Denver.

Whatever, I'm so far off base.

Can JAX beat anyone this season? I don't think this is the week that Trevor lights it up. Expect a ton of sacks. Some more JAX turnovers. Let's go... Titans keep it close by pounding the run game.

Titans win 24 – 13.

#14 Jets (1-3) @ Falcons (1-3)

I feel like I've already watched too much of this Jets team just from what I saw of last week's overtime period. And now I have to watch more to try to tell you what's going to happen in this stinker of a contest. (This is my blog, I can complain about the work I gave to myself if I want to.)

The Jets were lucky to be in that game at halftime. They could have been and probably should have been down 28-7. But they played hard, stayed in it – and the offensive and defensive playcalling could not have been better. You've got a winner in this staff, New York fans. It's good to see guys getting open and Wilson getting time to find them.

I wanted to ask the question at the end of this Jets talk whether last week was their single win of the season. The answer is no. [Holy shit, did you see that pass to Keenan Cole]? https://youtu.be/Y1mOkYny1io?t=452

Hey, remember when I asked, “Is Cordarrelle Patterson a HB in the Falcons' offense?” Cus I do. I feel like I've been leading the train of big bodied receivers with plus athleticism but rocks for hands being used in the Derrick Henry role. But let's just say it right now – that's not how he got his work done. He did it playing in the Number One role, making some pretty impressive catches. Where did these strong hands come from?

What a great day for that dude. I feel for Arthur Smith. I feel like Arthur Blank only has good days. Can you have a bad day as a billionaire? I kind of feel like money literally can buy a better mood after a loss on Sunday. But what do I know of hookers and blow?

Ahem.

Do I have to talk about this game?

It's the Jets and the Falcons. Okay, fine.

The Jets had better have the better defense, as battered as Atlanta's has been by their opponents on third down. This feels like the game where Zach Wilson should be able to shine against maybe the guy who started the trend of starting rookies and letting them learn on the job in this modern era of the NFL: Matt “Ice” Ryan.

Does Patterson go off again? Or do we finally get the Kyle Pitts game where he Mosses somebody in the endzone?

I don't know, but I have a feeling this one is going to have fireworks.

Jets lose – but only because I don't want them ahead of the Dolphins in my projections – as the Falcons continue to find points and Arthur Smith's offense continues to get better. 33 – 30.

#13 Lions (0-4) @ Vikings (1-3)

Why do I do this to myself? Alright. It had to be done eventually. Let's watch some Lions' tape.

Oh, no. The Lions made the Bears look like a fun team to watch. That had not been the case through three weeks. Playing in-division is emotional, but this team looked like they were up for Fields this weekend. And that Darnel Mooney catch? Are you fucking kidding me? That was overthrown. What an effort.

Okay, I'm talking about the opponent again. Not a great sign for you. But what an effort day for Jared Goff, huh? And I like this guy Amon-Ra St. Brown. What an amazing name this guy has! Good hands, too.

The Lions will get a win this season. If you're a Detriot fan (or my father) you hate how much shit I talk about the Lions' Dan Campbell. They'll win. They play too hard for four quarters to go winless. But Campbell is going to need to get one soon if he doesn't want to go down in history as another guy just organizing the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Goff doesn't have enough arm talent to be so unathletic. Does Campbell have the stones to draft Qbs every year til he finds one?

The Vikings.

I would really like to predict the Lions to win this game. It feels right, after all the time I've given to them and to their opponent last week. But this is another division game. And the Vikings have Mike Zimmer. They also have Kirk Cousins. It's at 1:00 EST, though.

Is the Vikings defense right, now that they rattled Baker? Or was Baker just having one of those games guys have sometimes?

I really don't know where to go with this one.

Fuck it. Lions win 33 – 18. Everybody and their mother shits their pants on TV until their next loss.

#12 Broncos (3-1) @ Steelers (1-3)

[I don't want to cover last weekend's Broncos game.] https://youtu.be/VUKghfxO8Y0

I don't want to talk about the Steelers again until Big Ben is off the field.

This feels like... This feels like one of those games where if Teddy Bridgewater is healthy and playing right, Broncos fans forget about last week like Bills fans have forgotten about Week 1. If Bridgewater isn't right, this is going to be a close game.

It's that simple.

Najee Harris and the Steelers defense are too good to get their asses kicked by Drew Lock, and they always play up to the level of their competition.

Steelers win 14 – 13.

#11 Rams (3-1) @ Seahawks (2-2)

I got to this spot, and I was like, I swear to God I wrote a detailed write-up of this game. That's why I went ahead and did the Game Rankings today instead of on Saturday. [That's because I did] https://vsrabbithole.blogspot.com/2021/10/thursday-night-football-rams-seahawks.html

I almost had a panic attack.

Seahawks lose, 33-29

#10 Colts (1-3) @ Ravens (3-1)

The Ravens kinda really turned my guts last weekend. Their defense did, anyway. The whole making sure they cross 100 yards at the end of the game thing? I don't care about that. Players like it. Fans like those streaks to stay alive.

I didn't like the way Oweh took Bridgewater out of the game. I thought it was flagrant. I thought it was ugly. I'd still like to see him face punishment.

So why did that have to be the game that Lamar Jackson's arm came alive and the deep shot started working? Because this hateful team wants me to hate-love them. Like having a friend you want to strangle with a garbage bag, but they always have really good weed.

Ugh. The Colts. I'm not talking about the Colts until Carson Wents can play like that against a defense not in Aqua and Orange.

Ravens win in the blowout Miami should have gotten last weekend: 33 – 0

#9 Giants (1-3) @ Cowboys (3-1)

The Giants should not be this high. And they should not have a hash in the Win column, either. It doesn't feel great to take a team's away from them or to say they don't deserve it, but from what I watched, The Giants didn't beat the Saints. The Saints lost that game. How does it make sense that Saquon Barkley is the Giants' best receiver and Daniel Jones is their best runner?

Kudos to DJ and Saquon for taking over that game. I should give some love to Kadarius Toney, too. He had a couple eye-popping plays, himself. And naturally the Giants' defense deserve the credit for the win. Keeping the Saints offense off the field for the last five minutes of the game gave the offense time to get some momentum going. And then you get it to a dude who looks like an ATG and you go win yourself a ballgame.

The Cowboys' opponent really hurts them this week. I don't want to watch more Giants football.

That Cooper touchdown catch last weekend? Defensive pass interference saved the day. That was going to be a much more difficult catch before the defender shoved him directly into its trajectory. Man, what a great game that was. I'd rather talk about it. That will probably still be the case when this one is over.

Trevon Diggs is probably my favorite player in the League. I love how he plays the game – and the difference in his demeanor in front of the media. Seems like a great dude to be around. If last weekend's contest was what the Cowboys look like against an evenly matched opponent, I can only imagine what they're going to do to the Giants. The Giants might only have two Very Good players. And Saquon and Danny Dropstheballtoomuch aren't going to be enough to keep up with Dallas's offense.

If the Giants are going to be competitive, they're going to have to tell Jones to know where #7 is at all times and throw it literally anywhere else. And – is it just me, or does Zeke look thicker? The carry split between him and Pollard (20/10) is exactly what you want when Zeke is running the way he was. Elliott was over 7 and Pollard was almost 7 yards per carry. That's sick.

And they are playing the defense to do it again.

You want Dak to not need to throw it more than 200 yards. You don't have the weapons outside to hurl the ball 50 times a game. Jarwin and Schultz are almost identical on the field, and the play of the one raises the play of the other. Exactly what you need in a run-focused attack like this.

Man, I like this Dallas team.

Cowboys win in a rout – 42 – 13.

#8 Dolphins (1-3) @ Buccaneers (3-1)

I should just leave this space blank. I'm ashamed of myself for letting it climb this high. After all that talk I've done all month about breaking up with them, they make my baseline game.

But that sort of makes sense. They are where my interest in the NFL branches off from. I cheered too hard when Damien Williams scored for the Bears, for instance. And I'm too happy Bobby McCain is playing well in Washington.

But I do not want to watch this game.

This should be the last Jacoby game. So if they put Tua on IR, and I'm telling myself this is still his rookie season, then it should be easy for me to reset my brain. The first six weeks of the season were this ugly, rough slate. Let the kid see how it can't look, so he can come out and look like a superhero, Week 6 – and I'm already overthinking it.

The Buccaneers are vulnerable. Can Jacoby Brisset stress their limited secondary? Mac Jones was picking on Richard Sherman. Will he be the weak link two weeks in a row? I couldn't imagine – unless he's lost too many steps.

The gameplan has to be vertical. If the offensive coaching staff haven't learned that by now, they aren't going to learn it soon enough. Even with Jacoby and his limited … whatever is limited about Jacoby. I've seen him make all the important throws – just not when he doesn't absolutely have to. Is that because they aren't being called or...? I don't know. I haven't watched enough of their film. And that's okay – because after this weekend, the Jacoby Era in Miami should be over. For good. He proved that.

Can Tua come out and look Good? Well, not this weekend he can't.

This is in Tampa Bay. Miami's defense has played okay but not great. Tampa Bay is not New England.

My heart says Miami loses this because my heart wants to be done with them. But every time my heart is done, they bring me right back.

Miami wins 25 – 17.

#7 Saints (2-2) @ Football Team (2-2)

The Saints surprised me by climbing so high on this list. In fact, they've surprised me in general this season. (My prediction that they'd lose last week to go every-other notwithstanding.) Are their receivers the All-Underachievers Unit? Chris Hogan, Deonte Harris, Kevin White, Ty Montgomery, Kenny Stills – am I wrong that all of these dudes have underachieved to find themselves on this roster? And isn't it a remarkable collection of dudes?

They showed last week what I'm alluding to: when they are playing at the height of their game, they're unbeatable. Ty Montgomery was looking like a Number One when Jameis was throwing him the ball. Man, he had some beautiful rainbow strikes downfield, too. And then for some reason Sean Payton dials up a deep strike with Taysom Hill, and everyone in the Great New Orleans area knew it was coming and the game felt lost from there. Turns out it was.

Teryy McLaurin is very good. I like this Football Team. They might be my favorite of the 2-2 bunch to improve and do some real damage down the stretch. I'm going to tell you in the next section that I think the Eagles are Wild Card contenders. I don't think anyone is going to catch the Cowboys this season. Not barring a series of major injuries, and nobody is wishcasting that – or should be. But I think this Football Team might be better than the Eagles.

Damn, I like me some Taylor Heinicke. Pour me a tall one! I like how he plays the game. He reminds me of Tannehill in the way he moves and his posture; and of Favre in the way that he will want 1/3 of his passes back the moment they leave his hand. And somehow only 1/3 of those are disasters. It's fun as hell, is what I'm getting at. This guy plays football. I dig it. He also slides like he thinks he's going to get the forward yardage. Lol. How many times can you slide or dive short of the sticks before you're like – oh, it's not when they touch me, its when I initiate the slide/dive. Got it?

Whatever. He won. Damn, I really should have said he's a lovechild between Taysom Hill and Jameis Winston. Not Tannehill and Favre. Way too much ginger in that for anyone's taste.

Taysom and Jameis, whichever of them is on the field, is going to throw it up. I've given up thinking that one of them will at least be conservative. Do Marshawn Lattimore and Alvin Kamarra make up the difference in this contest? Do Young and Sweaty show up in the fourth quarter of a contest this season?

Blah, blah, blah. This is only #7 – I don't need to devote so many words to it.

This is a tossup for me, but I have a rooting interest in Heinicke. Washington Football Team get over .500 with another rousing 30+ point game as the Saints offense gets back-to-back blunderbuss weekends out of their quarterbacks. WFT 38 - NOS 31.

#6 Eagles (1-3) @ Panthers (3-1)

Oh, good. I was almost worried I buried the Panthers on this list. No. They got dragged down by the Eagles. I'm watching back through the Dallas/Carolina game, and I may never let Carolina drop out of the top-5 after this week. I like Darnold a lot. And I like this Panthers team a lot. DJ Moore might be my favorite receiver in the League. And they haven't even needed Darnold's chemistry with Anderson. Are teams keying on Anderson? He missed the one.

That might have cracked that game wide open.

So, do you remember when I said not to throw it where Diggs is? Yeah. That killed the Panthers last week. They get CMC next week, right? Chuba Hubbard had some big plays in this game, but CMC will make everything easier.

I don't want to talk badly about the Panthers going into a matchup this high on the list – but their defense has to get stops this weekend.

The Eagles stay high on this ranking because some weeks you're just playing the Chiefs on a two-game losing skid and there's nothing you or God and all his Angels are going to do to win.

I hope the Dolphins offensive coaching staff are watching how the Eagles gameplan for Jalen Hurts.

The Slim Reaper is my new favorite nickname ever. Remember how I said you can see greatness in the ATGs even when they aren't in the conversation, yet? Yeah. Watch Devtona Smith.

I feel like any other week I would have more to see about what the Eagles need to do better after a loss like that. But this Eagles team is good. They're going to be contending not for the division, but for a Wild Card spot if they play like they did last weekend. And this game against the Panthers will be the proof. At 1-3, they can't really afford another loss if I'm not going to be made wrong about the rest of their season. But this also isn't a must-win, yet.

And the Panthers are vulnerable, here.

Can Sam Darnold take advantage of the Eagles' defense the way Patrick Mahomes did? Actually, I think he could. He's got the weapons, and I'm not putting anything past DJ Moore this season. But can Chuba Hubbard play the Edwards-Helaire role?

I doubt it. I think the Panthers' defense is good, but not good enough this weekend. Eagles win 32 – 30.

#5 Bears (2-2) @ Raiders (3-1)

Any top-5 list of RBs that doesn't include David Montgomery is full of shit. I've watched a lot of runners this season, and only two of them consistently falls (or flips) forward and through tackles as often and for as many extra yards (by the count of my eyeballs): Alvin Kamara and David Montgomery. Montgomery is nutty! He made Fields' day easy yesterday. This team shouldn't have a loss. He should have so many more touches.

Fields is a Good quarterback. Wow, we really saw it this weekend. His deep throw is next level. He hit Mooney a couple of times that left my mouth hanging open. How was there any doubt this was the guy moving forward? Loyalty, Nagy – we talked about this, man.

Whatever, the kid is in and he's not coming out.

[I've already talked too much about the Raiders and Derek Carr this week.] https://vsrabbithole.blogspot.com/2021/10/wild-wednesday-humping-our-way-to-week-5.html So I won't bore you with how I think Derek Carr might be Jared Goff. You heard what I think about Jared Goff, and they both flinch when they think they're going to take a hit. Either fall down or escape. Don't flinch.

No, really. I'm done.

Bears win, 38 – 27.

#4 49ers (2-2) @ Cardinals (4-0)

#4 49ers is hard to read when you're skimming.

The way I watched the 49ers game this weekend, there's no way for me to evaluate Trey Lance or, really, to feel confident that I know anything about the defense. The question was how long would Garoppolo hang on to the job. The answer might be three and a half weeks. Right? Ah. News is he has a “chance” to play. Means he probably won't. I guess we'll see, won't we? The 49ers are a team I want to watch, that I think are very good – or at least very interesting. But I think all the same things you do about them. Let's get Lance on the field so we can start the Fields conversation over again.

And the Cardinals...

I watched the Rams game back, right? And I still don't feel like I have anything to say about the Cardinals that I didn't put in that blurb.

The offense might be freaky-good. Kyler Murray might be one of the ATGs if he can keep his mobility. But he destroys teams from the pocket, too. Too many weapons. Even the RBs are getting it done. Just too many weapons.

I don't even know if the defense is any good. They got stops against the Rams. But I don't know who the Rams are yet. So I'm not sure I know who the Cardinals are yet – in fact, I know I don't. It's no coincidence these two teams I only very rarely get to watch are at the top of this list. I want to watch this game!

I think the Cardinals are going to take it running away. The 49ers defense might be good – but so is the Rams.

33 – 24, Cardinals. If Garoppolo plays the entire game. If Lance starts... 33 – 32.

#3 Bills (3-1) @ Chiefs (2-2)

I hadn't seen Patrick Mahomes underhand TD toss until I started this. There was a throw in one of the games earlier in this list, it might have been the Saints, where there was a big incompletion on third down where the QB threw across his body at that angle to a runner running away from him at that angle. The ball had too much velocity; it hit the receiver in the hands, but he dropped it. I thought to myself, if he'd underhanded that, it would have hit him lower in the body at an upward trajectory – it would be an easier catch. But he'd be surprised by it because who tosses the ball upfield?

Patrick Mahomes does.

But it makes sense. It's the same throwing motion and the same spin and velocity on the ball he uses when he's tossing the runner the ball in the backfield. This is just a forward pass. And it looked like the catch was made easily and naturally.

Golly, I hope more quarterbacks throw the ball like that in the coming future.

The Bills got the AFC South beatdown I predicted Miami would get last week. That should have been my headline for the game. That should have been all I say about it. My favorite thing about the Bills/Texans game might be the guy in the Miami Dolphins Jarvis Landry Jersey frantically high-fiving his friend in the Bills jersey after the initial touchdown.

You know this matchup as well as I do. We know which team has the defense coming into tonight. We also know the Chiefs' secondary gets stingy in big games. This is in Arrowhead.

No more hype needed.

Bills win 55 – 53.

#2 Packers (3-1) @ Bengals (3-1)

The last two games are something else, aren't they? Three AFC teams that only two years ago we would laugh at being in these spots. And the Packers. The Packers! After Week 1 I'm over here talking about hoping Aaron Rodgers tanks to force a trade. And all they've done since then is totally dismantle their opponents. They've taken the foot off the gas on offense to let the enemy do the work of killing the clock for them by thinking they can still run it – but Aaron Rodgers is Agent 47: a fuckin assassin.

And the Bengals – the Bengals! Give it up for the Bengals, huh? They have been fun as shit this season. I have enjoyed every second of being forced to watch their games – since the start of Week 2. Let's just throw the Vikings out with the bathwater, huh?

This one's gonna go back and forth all night. Both teams have good defenses and passing attacks that are only going to get better as the season progresses. I don't even want to talk about this one too much.

If it plays out the way it should, the Aarons Jones and Rodgers will keep this game out of reach. Burrow will throw a pick, and that'll be all she wrote. He'll keep it close, but once the Bengals fall behind, it's over. They don't have the coach to get it did.

But I don't know that that's how it's going to go. The Packers have shown they're succeptible to mistakes of their own. Look for Rodgers to have his worst night since Week 1, and this one stays closer and lower scoring than we think. I'm thinking maybe 24-23 and the Packers take it.

Running game matters this week, and I'm not sure Mixon is as big a threat to takeover a game.

#1 Browns (3-1) @ Chargers (3-1)

I can't believe this isn't Sunday Night. Or didn't get flexed to Monday. I don't know how that works, but holy shit. This is going to be the best game of the weekend, I'm telling you right now. These teams are almost exactly evenly matched through four weeks. Not just in wins, but in fact.

This is the Browns' first big test after the Chiefs, too. Nobody is going to want to throw it this weekend the way the Chargers are going to want to throw it. The problem is that throwing it is exactly what the Browns want you to do this season. The more times you drop back and pass the more chances their ends Clowney and Garrett get to break your Gangster Quarterback in half.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I'll probably get to watch this one, too.

Which means it's going to be boring until the last minutes of the fourth. And I'm okay with that, too. If the Browns want to get into another 17-7 slugfest, I am so down.

This game is in LA, and the Chargers still don't have a homefield advantage. That could be problematic as the season goes along, but I'm not sure it shows up here. Are there that many Cleveland fans in LA?

Probably, actually. The NFL Media Group is lousy with them.

It's interesting to me the way the Browns use Kareem Hunt and Nick Chubb. Hunt has overtaken every game this season, but it's Chubb they pound it with. And it's working. I'm definitely not suggesting they change anything up in the ground game. In fact, I'm asking for more of it. Especially if Baker's going to be off again with that non-throwing shoulder.

And the Chargers have Eckeler and a quarterback who is both not undersized and not dinged up. I don't want to, I really don't, but I have to give this one to the Chargers. 23 – 20. It's a gritty game. An exchange of last-minute field goals ends it.

And that's the end of today's piece! Thanks so much for checking it out. I'll react to tonights game tomorrow. Then I've got to sit down and work on what I've been getting wrong about the season, and a 5 more storylines I just don't jive with. Then it's Sunday and the whole thing starts back over again.

I'll talk at you soon.