Woebegone Wednesday - Three Observations in the Middle of the Week

  

The NFL is my favorite thing in the world.

I wish it weren't. My ex-girlfriends/wife would have enjoyed me more, I think. I have other things I would like to spend my time doing, other hobbies I would like to explore, other things I want to write about.

But I can't.

And until now I haven't been able to put off writing about the NFL today. I said I would come back. I have regular content I want to address. And that's why I'm doing it, now – long after a reasonable person would call it a day and just apologize tomorrow: I said I would. So I'm going to give my best effort to have something to talk about today.

And I'm going to organize it and everything.

Kyler Murray is on the Injury Report with a Throwing Shoulder

All I'm seeing about it is that it is the right shoulder and they were working on it in the second half of last weekend's game. Is it cause for concern?

A quarterback's throwing shoulder is always reason for concern. We'll know more during the week – a big part of why last week's attempt to get the Game Rankings out early was ill-begotten.

Woebegone – ill-begotten – boy, I'm feeling archaic today. It must be October.

I'm not telling you anything new that he hurt his A/C joint in his throwing shoulder last year, nor that it clipped the Cardinals' wings, let's say, disappointing the trajectory of their season. But they are playing Cleveland, who just came off a 40-point performance – a feat that, for as good as the Cardinals have been, they are yet to match.

If Murray is limited, be concerned for the loss column of their record – it's about to have a 1 in it. Cus if Murray isn't magic in the air, I'm not sure the Cardinals are dynamic enough on the ground to keep up with Chubb and Hunt.

I can hear imaginary Cardinals fans in my head telling me I'm insane if I think Murray is broken. But he didn't exactly light it up last week. The 49ers have a good defense, but I don' know that it's that good. But, this isn't where I talk about the Cardinals and how they're going to look moving forward. That's tomorrow.

All I know is they better hope he's not hurt.

These Mothers' Sons Have Got to Get Down at the Ends of Their Runs!

Watching Carson Wentz and Trey Lance and Joey Lawrence – wait – Trevor Lawrence and Joey Burrow – there we go – and Justin Fields and Jalen Hurts gives me fucking anxiety. I feel like every time they take off and run, I'm like - “Nice! Now get down. Get down. GET DOWN! Oh, my god, he's so lucky right now, that guy was going to try to kill him.”

It's like they think they have the same protections as a runner that they have as a passer.

Are they easier on quarterbacks past the line of scrimmage in college? (I don't watch the game. Won't give the NCAA the ad revenue my eyeballs generate.) Cus one of these dudes is gonna get fuckin ruined on a run. And we're going to have another RGIII situation. You know, like Carson Wentz and Michael Vick and Cam Newton did. Didn't Kaepernick basically end his on-field career with an injury sustained running? He was on the bench when he started kneeling. We forget that a lot.

Josh Allen's name isn't among those who can't get down because that guy can get down. His gallivanting through the Chiefs' defense, then gaily sliding down, untouched, in a sea of enemy jerseys has to be my favorite thing about that game. The ease with which he slides – and knowing how frustrating defenses find that. Knowing that sliding is how you generate big, big defensive penalties.

Peyton Manning was the best at that.

Taylor Heinicke slides like a champ, but way too soon. Bro. You don't get the forward progress of your slide. Get down at the last second so you can provoke illegal contact – not at the first sight of danger.

Burrow and Fields are already hurt from injuries sustained on hero runs. Lance is lucky his head wasn't popped from his body like an oversized pimple during that dash to the endzone.

I'm convinced these quarterbacks haven't figured out that they aren't the biggest, fastest, strongest dudes on the field anymore. Cus you hear Pat McAffee talk about Andrew Luck – and he was still the biggest strongest dude on the field, so he would take those hits and deliver them. But it caught up with him. We talk about how he got his ass kicked in the pocket – but he kicked his own ass running with the ball.

Man. I almost forget about Andrew Luck sometimes.

I've made the decision that I think the reason that Lance wasn't the obvious choice to start the season is his field vision. He hasn't adjusted to the speed of the game at all. What does that mean? It means he hasn't adjusted his mind to how fast defenders are. How quickly they can close gaps and cover distance. I know that's the same thing, but they mean different things.

It took Manning 28 interceptions. You've no doubt heard the story about how Manning is coming to the sidelines after another pick and he turns to Marshall Faulk and says, “I didn't think he could get there.” Faulk legendarily says, “They can all get there, Peyton. They can all get there.”

It seems pretty clear to me that these rookie (and young) quarterbacks haven't figured out that the defense can always get there before they think they can. You see Lance and Fields, especially, taking hits from dudes attacking them laterally on their runs up the middle – that is, catching them from the sides and taking them unawares.

That's how dudes get hurt.

And it's why you have running backs – by the time they make it to the NFL, the good ones, have the field vision to protect their legs from lateral tacklers.

Russ runs well. I can't think of him sliding – but I can't think of him taking off through the middle of the defense, either. Dropping back and sliding into the pocket isn't exactly Russ's move. Hasn't ever been. It's drop back, scan, bail. Always has. It's where his magic is made.

The point is that I'm not sure these kids understand that the defense is taught to try to murder them when they're designated a runner. You can take shots at the head, the neck, the arms and legs, of a runner that you can't take against a passer. It just is what it is. And one of these kids is going to spend the rest of the season watching from IR if he doesn't start protecting his body.

Aaron Rodgers is wrong, though – Jackson has got to learn to get down. None of those shots he took on Monday night was necessary. He's running horizontally the length of the field and back, and it works to tire the defense – it really works to tire the defense – but he's going to get one of his legs ripped off. He got lucky Week 4 he didn't tear an ACL.

Let's Stick to a Theme, Here

Small quarterbacks, man.

I'm still thinking about Tua's size. There's a chance he comes back this weekend in London, but I'm really not even going there right now. Russell Wilson's broken finger. And now Kyler Murray's shoulder. Brees was never healthy.

No one's ever healthy. But... damn. I don't know. Maybe Ben's size is working against him. Maybe it's just that no one is Tom Brady – no one practices getting tackled safely like Tom does.

But, shit, man. There's a reason that the drop-back portion of the Seattle and Arizona offenses doesn't work, right?

And Jared Goff. His tiny hands.

I thought that was a joke when I read about it in his draft report. Small hands??? Who cares.

But dude sure does have trouble hanging on to the ball. Can he drive it in inclement weather? Everything comes back to listening to Aaron Rodgers at some point, so fuck it – He talked about how he likes the ball inflated with Pat McAffee yesterday. He was saying he can't throw a flat ball because he has “big, strong hands”. Which – that's a funny thing to say – but he also expected to throw a ball thirty yards downfield high and outside to Davante Adams in the rain while also getting hit. So. He and I are obviously in a different place when it comes to describing ourselves.

There is going to be inclement weather in Detroit. While I'm talking about him, does Jared Goff bring anything to the table that any of a number of backup quarterbacks don't? Like, is he an upgrade over Davis Mills?

I really don't know. I haven't watched enough of his games, but....

I have a problem with how his pants don't fit.

Let's just call it like I see it. His pants always look like they're too big and falling down. What is that? I don't know. Everybody this season seems to be having trouble keeping their britches on, but why does it look like Jared is too small for them? Is it because I think he's unathletic and I'm trying to picture Justin Fields' thighs on his weird, skinny body?

Look. I have a weird, skinny body. I can say that.

Sometimes I am confronted with how little I really know about the game and I'm forced to think of another topic to talk about.

I Want to End on a Positive Note

I feel for every coach, every trainer, every human person who has been attached to Jon Gruden and the Washington football organization – maybe ever – certainly during the last twenty years or so. You've got guys like Sean McVay spending their entire press conferences talking about the Raiders and Gruden instead of their teams. And you've got Derek Carr saying he loves the man but hates the sin. And and and

Then you've got Brandon Staley giving one of the most beautiful, heartfelt explanations of the very trust issues I myself have been trying to digest. And it makes me happy to know that there are men who get it in the world. More importantly, that there are men and leaders in the NFL who get it.

It inspires me, hearing McAffee and Staley and so, so many other people in and around the League, players and coaches, but especially the players, saying they just do not jive with hate talk. Talking about how they are curious people who want to learn about the world and about the men and women around them, and how we are all so much more alike than we are different.

That fills my heart with joy. I am glad to know that this tragedy isn't going to slow the men and women in the League down. If anything it is going to bolster their resolve to continue fighting. I'm glad for that.

And I'm glad you've suffered through this with me. I really didn't want to do it. I really just wanted to sit with my bass and feel bad all day. But – it's almost 9PM and I like to have these posts posted before 6 – I've done it. Because I wanted to. Because I said I would. Because you don't want to be left with only my existential angst.

So thank you for that.

I'll talk at you soon.