Week 13 Game Power Rankings, Previews, and Predix

 

Week 13 Game Power Rankings, Previews, and Predix

#13 Arizona Cardinals (9-2) @ Chicago Bears (4-7)

This doesn't feel fair to either of these teams. But somebody had to come in last place – and in the words of Ricky Bobby's dad, if you aren't first, you're last anyway. So what does it really matter who actually comes in last? What does it really matter that I do this at all?

Dunno. Doing it anyway.

The Cardinals feel like they have completely disappeared since losing to the Packers. Part of that has been that Kyler Murray and DeAndre Hopkins haven't been playing and they were on bye last week, but it's something else, too. I think it's that I don't trust them to finish the season strong.

They came real close at one point to losing Jacksonville, this season. I know that Murray is back, but I also know that this is a team under Kingsbury and with Murray who have faltered down the stretch.

I am absolutely not predicting a Bears victory.

My girlfriend is going to hate this – she's decided that she's jumping in with both feet on being a Bears fan for Justin Fields. I feel for her. Maybe it won't be like jumping head first into the Dolphins over Ryan Tannehill. (For a guy on bye, he's about to get a bunch of name drops in this piece. He should be paying me for this, sheesh.)

Anyway, I don't know who's playing quarterback for the Bears this weekend, and I don't care. After that display I watched on Thanksgiving – and, really, don't get me started on the cowardice of going into victory formation and kneeling it to kill clown down a point at the end of the game. I know that's the strategy move. I know you kick that field goal and just go home. But I felt about that strategy about how I felt about kicking the field goal on second down in Overtime earlier this season. (I think that was Jon Gruden, wasn't it? And it missed; good.) I wish that kick had doinked and Nagy's career could be bookended with killed doinked field goals.

But whatever. We have Matt Nagy for another weekend because the Bears “don't fire coaches midseason”. Whatever. Gag me with a spoon, Chicago ownership. This guy has got to go. But, you know, it really doesn't matter. Who's going to replace him? Who's to say the ownership can even put the right guy in place or that the GM (or the next GM) won't undermine him with strange draft decisions? I don't know.

I should not be this annoyed by a team I'm not even a fan of.

Cardinals should run away with this game. But they're going to start slow, and the Bears are going to try to make this competitive going into the second half of the third quarter. So let's say it'll be something like 31 – 17.

#12 Minnesota Vikings (5-6) @ Detroit Lions (0-10-1)

This Vikings team can kiss my ass. Especially Kirk Cousins.

There's this idea among people who don't like the parity of the League that bad teams skew the seasons of good teams by stealing a win or four that they shouldn't have. It's the same sort of argument that people have about the 2000 election. Kirk Cousins and the Vikings offense are Ralph Nader. And it's not even funny.

It kinda pisses me off.

I want to like the Vikings. But I hate watching this team. Even when they win. Especially when they win, I think. They put a bad taste in my mouth Week 1, and just have not stropped doing it every week since.

What a stupid week to complain about how the Vikings have won games against maybe-good teams and confused the standings. If the Lions win this game, does it do anything but upset the standings?

Minnesota are one of those frienge teams. I am aware that every team this season besides about three are technically still fringe teams. But what I mean by that more than anything is that they could legitimately get their act together and make a push for the Playoffs. Not only that, they could win a game or two or even threaten for the Super Bowl. They're good enough.

Kirk Cousins, though.

Does Dan Campbell get a mulligan?

While I'm thinking about how Kirk Cousins can't seem to not shit the bed in Primetime games, I have to wonder whether Campbell didn't coach himself out of a game last week. The Lions looked good enough for him to keep his job through 11 weeks. Then the refs took over and the rest is history. I'm not even really talking about the double timeout move. That's the only way a coach can stop a surefire touchdown. The only other is to tell a player to get a pass interference call. Either way, in order to stop the TD, someone was getting penalized.

Actually, I guess that answers my question. I'm giving him a mulligan on that game.

This one is going to be stupid. I don't think the Lions get blown out because they haven't all season, but I also don't figure the Vikings can lose this game 10 out of 10 times. So, Vikings win, but it's going to be a stupid score. Something like 6 – 9.

God, these Vikings upset me.

#11 Jacksonville Jaguars (2-9) @ Los Angeles Rams (7-4)

This game was my gut-reaction worst game of the week. But that's only because I'm bored with the Jaguars. This could be win number three for them, though. The Jets stole one against these Rams last year, and the Rams were better then and the Jets worse. So, really – anything could happen.

Matthew Stafford is clearly not right. Whether it's injuries, whether it's old habits, what – it doesn't matter. There's some there, there. And Les Snead has not set this team up well for the future. Meaning that the now has to look much better than what it does if we're going to take the Rams seriously as a Super Bowl contender.

The Rams and the Bills feel like the primary arguments for why finesse football isn't a great idea. But I don't know that I believe that. Green Bay is a difficult place to play at any time of year. But you could tell how miserable cold it was. That's a big deal, when you're used to living in Los Angeles.

I don't care about the Jaguars. I just don't. There's no interest there for me. And I don't think there's any way they actually win this game. Rams by three scores.

#10 San Francisco 49ers (6-5) @ Seattle Seahawks (3-8)

I would be interested in this game if the records were reversed. If the 49ers were going into this one as the underdog, I'd have something to watch for. As it is, the Seahawks aren't a fun watch, and the 49ers are a team I don't trust even a little bit. I most certainly don't trust them to win this one.

With Deebo Samuel out of this game, I don't know what the 49ers offense looks like. Can they move the ball without him? That is the only thing I have to say about that team.

Can Russel Wilson figure out how to throw the ball to his receivers with timing and rhythm in his ninth season?

You know – what I really don't understand about this Seahawks season is why Russel Wilson isn't riding the bench after these last few performances. Geno was better. The team looked better with Geno.

I know that Geno isn't the better quarterback. But he was playing better.

There's something to be said for the conversations I'm having with my girlfriend every week about playing the better quarterback on your roster, regardless of the tradition of starting one guy through the whole season. The Seahawks and Pete Carroll are going to sink this season on principle so they don't hurt Russell Wilson's feelings. Which... doesn't make sense to me. It would have made sense last year. But after all the offseason shenanigans?

I'd have no problem benching Russ. What's he going to do, go play for another team? Carroll made Russ. Can he not make another? Maybe he can't. Things haven't exactly been going perfectly on his end. But the defense is competitive enough now that the deficiencies in the offense are truly glaring.

I don't know. I don't get it.

I'd like to say the 49ers win this one with any kind of confidence. But it's in Seattle, and this division is weird. The Seahawks are going to win this one, and Russ is going to look good enough that my criticisms will look stupid by monday.

#9 Philadelphia Eagles (5-7) @ New York Jets (3-8)

I'd be more interested if this were the other New York team. But they're playing the Dolphins – and obviously higher in these rankings. That's not really fair. I just hate the fuckin Jets.

There's nothing about this game that suggests to me it's going to be fun to watch. The Jets offense is dysfunctional as consistently as it is anything. I'm sure there's a quality quarterback in Zach Wilson – but I don't know where it is or where it's going to come from. I never played quarterback, but it seems to me like he's had enough years of coaching to be able to tell the difference in a pass that's going to be completed and one that's going to be intercepted. But maybe not. It takes some dudes longer than others.

Maybe it's not the dudes – maybe it's just New York. Who knows – Eli was able to win with New York in his team's name. I mean, not as often as he lost – but he got two Super Bowls. That's two more than the Jets have had in 50 years? Something like that.

My am I litigating Eli's career?

Because I don't want to talk about Philadelphia. And not because I'm bored by the team for once. Because I'm not sure I have anything to say about Philadelphia that's worth reading.

I gave Jalen Hurts a ton of shit at the beginning of the season for playing too much hero ball. Well, they've figured out how to maximize his hero ball, and he's figured out when to hand it off to his runners – and the Eagles are looking like they might compete for the Division. So maybe I just want to keep my mouth shut so I don't jynx it.

Eagles are going to win this one, though. By a few scores.

#8 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-3) @ Atlanta Falcons (5-6)

I'm just going to jump right out and say it. I think the Falcons can win this game.

The only reason I think that is because the NFC South is the weirdest of all the Divisions and these things happen. And that's really all the analysis I want to give of this game.

I don't understand why the Buccaneers aren't better than they are.

And the Falcons are a bad roster. That's all you need to know to know that this game isn't going to go at all how you think it will.

Falcons win by the skin of their teeth.

Which is a weird thing to say.

#7 Indianapolis Colts (6-6) @ Houston Texans (2-9)

This was the first game I noticed and didn't know how I felt about it.

It's a Divisional contest; the records are wildly lopsided, as well as the projections for their seasons from this point. The Texans want this one. Their quarterback is back, and they can maybe play spoiler to the big brother Colts. But the thing is, I don't think they have the firepower.

The Colts are too good. The running game works too well, and the defense is playing lights out. The loss last week was a bummer, but hopefully it really taught Frank Reich where the strength of his team is. And hopefully it told Carson Wentz, too.

It's one thing to be a quarterback and to want to impact the game. It's another to understand that handing it off is still getting it to your playmakers.

Whatever. This game isn't interesting to talk about. The Colts should win, but because they're not really a threat and the League is just that incestuous, I'm going to say the Texans take it with a late field goal. 24 – 21.

#6 New York Giants (4-7) @ Miami Dolphins (5-7)

Speaking of the other New York team – do I have to? I said enough about them for this piece, right?

I do not like this Giants offense. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's Durpleton Jones or what. But nothing looks good just about ever. And, frankly, the Dolphins defense is too good.

I expect this to be another embarrassment.

We would be talking about Miami a lot differently if they hadn't dropped seven in a row to start the season. When the offense is working – or, I should say, now that Tua is throwing the ball exceptionally well most of the time – it's hard to keep up with this team. The defense is legitimately that good right now.

I'm actually rounding into shape with how I feel about the Dolphins, too. I'm proud of them. I didn't think they were going to be able to keep their heads up. I know I didn't. I also wonder how much of the adversity Tua faced this season wasn't scripted down to how it got to the media. Because Tua has come out the other side of it with a fire lit under his ass. And that was my majorest problem with him – he didn't seem to have any sense of urgency to get good at all.

Phillip Lindsay changes how I feel about this offense, too. Miami has enough good backs now to get creative. And with Jaylen Waddle playing like a true number one and Isaiah Ford and Mack Hollins playing so well, things are starting to look like Dolphins fans can confidently hope that Grier and Flores keep everything basically how it is and move right on along next season.

And I love that Jevon Holland is playing so well.

I called it during the draft and have defended him during the ugly part of the season – and now national dudes are recognizing him play. That's what blue chip talent looks like. Miami needs to keep stacking it. Dudes like Holland make everyone want to play better. And you can see it. Cus Jaelen Phillips is starting to get going, now, too. It all feeds on itself, and I have the best feeling that the Giants are going to be no match whatsoever for these Dolphins.

Which means I should put money on New York, cus these are the games Miami traditionally no-shows.

Hopefully they've already had their last no-show at home this season. Dolphins win running away: 38 – 13.

How many turnovers will there be? Because I feel like New York is going to give the ball away a whole bunch of times in this one.

#5 Washington Football Team (5-6) @ Los Vegas Raiders (6-5)

I'm glad to hear Brian Baldinger saying that the Washington defense is starting to play up to their potential. I see it, too – it's just nice to hear people with audiences say the things I see, sometimes. Maybe someday I'll have an audience, too. That'd be pretty nice.

I like the WFT. I like Taylor Heinicke. I like what the whole offense is doing right now. Those are all pretty cool things to get to say about the Washington team. Usually I don't have anything but negatives to say about them.

And the Raiders! These are two teams with famously expressive fanbases. And which I have perennially disliked.

I don't like these Raiders anymore. I did for a little while. But I just can't get behind Derek Carr. Not as a human, just as a quarterback for a team I want to watch.

I don't even know what it is. Like – I've figured out what the loose pants thing is, because Brady's pants are loose, too; but this I just can't make sense of. I don't know that I legitimately think he's soft. Because I think he really does play his ass off.

I think it's that he looks like he wears eyeliner. It's not his fault that he has gorgeous eyelashes. But it is problematic for me.

Whatever. I'm over the Bisacchia Raiders. I really wanted to try to get a Rich Bisch thing going for him. But bleh. This team is boring. I don't know what his identity is as a strategic personality, and watching his team, I'm not sure he has one.

I want to see the Football Team trounce someone. I'd like Heinicke to have a game where he can comfortably look like the best quarterback on the field. Because that's how you get long-term contracts, and I think he's definitely proven he's the solution in Washington, not a stop-gap.

#4 Baltimore Ravens (8-3) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (5-5-1)

I am so over the Ravens after last week.

Maybe I'm just over the Ravens after the Dolphins game, now that I put some thought to it. Because I was pretty annoyed that they won the Bears game, too. They should have pummeled Miami. Instead they got embarrassed. The only reason they aren't “exposed” as such is that these last two opponents haven't been able to do what Miami did. Not only did Miami Zero blitz them the entire game, they were able to Zero blitz with their speed package and not get overpowered in the run game.

The Browns and Bears gameplans were good. Adequate. Enough to beat Lamar. The difference is the players on the field. And really that should speak to Miami, and it should speak to Lamar Jackson. He beats on the hearts of the Browns and their fans like a ten-year veteran. He feels like he has taken so much ownership, established so much dominance in this League in such a short time that the Steelers have no chance in this one.

But it's the Steelers. In Pittsburgh.

I can't imagine them losing this game. But I didn't imagine them tying with the Lions, either. So I can't predict them beating anyone again until... they start doing it `with another quarterback, probably. Is Dwayne Haskins really not an answer? But, see— Tradition and quarterbacks. Is Tomlin going to do Ben the way New York did Eli at the end?

I mean... Brock Osweiler replaced a benched Peyton Manning.

Ravens have to win this game or I've picked the right horse to watch in the Bengals.

#3 New England Patriots (8-4) @ Buffalo Bills (7-4)

This one should probably be my favorite game of the week. But that feels blasphemous. So I'll drop it down here just because.

The Patriots might be the most surprisingly good team this year. They're only two games back on the best teams in the League. That doesn't seem possible. But it is.

If I were bitter – and I am. I am very, very salty – I would say that Miami should be here. But everyone knows that. It's been kind of the subtext to their season, and if they meet with lopsided records to end the season, that'll be the story everyone is telling.

Mac Jones is so good. Watching him, he strikes me as the kind of kid who would make himself in every Madden game and take every team to the Super Bowl. He seems to just genuinely love football. And if my eye test that a good quarterback makes you trust his receivers no matter who they are is holding water, it's because the Patriots passing game isn't total garbage.

The Bills, on the other hand, feel like a team regressing to the mean from two seasons ago. In other words, they feel like all the good things they'd done through the start of last season are going away and they've about to be the teams they were in 2019 and before again. In large part because Josh Allen feels like whatever magic was there isn't there anymore. Not with his arm.

He's still a devastating runner.

And he's going to be doing a lot of that moving forward with the season. Don't know that I'd want to risk my quarterback to it if I were playing the Patriots. But I shouldn't assume they'd hurt a guy just to do it – that was the Saints' move.

The Patriots win this one. Is that in doubt? Daddy Belichick is come to take his Chair back.

#2 Los Angeles Chargers (6-5) @ Cincinnati Bengals (7-4)

I didn't think I was going to be interested in this game. Then I saw the rest of the games this weekend.

Jokes.

I can't decide how I feel about the Chargers. They should be better than they are. But I only say that because they have a defensive head coach and I always assume that defenses under defensive head coaches should be better than they are. Like, no matter how good New England's defenses are, I always think they should be better. Should have said that in the earlier blurb – cus his defense is pretty dang good right now.

But that's sort of indicative of what I'm talking about. When I think of the Chargers, I think of other teams to think about.

I don't even have a read on Herbert right now. I feel like I'm supposed to have feelings about him because the Dolphins passed on him. But really, I... don't. He seems like a developing quarterback. I don't understand why things seem so difficult, but something things are just difficult the first few years of a career – and they're still year 1 with Brandon Staley and his offensive staff. So really I'm just not holding my breath. I'll start to see things I can make sense of next season. As it is, I'm not sure the chargers keep from falling below .500 for the season.

The Bengals, on the other hand, deserve more than I'm giving them. How did I wait so long to talk about them? Probably because everyone is talking about them right now, and I already predicted them to win this Division.

Seriously, though. If I don't know how I feel about Herbert, I know exactly how I feel about Burrow: That guy is awesome. There's no situation his team is in where they have a reasonable opportunity to make noise that I don't believe he isn't going to come through. He's so good I trust Boyd and Higgins and anyone else running routes in orange and black to make a play.

And that's why the Bengals win this one. Also because I need them to keep winning or I'm going to look stupid for choosing them over the Ravens.

#1 Denver Broncos (6-5) @ Kansas City Chiefs (7-4)

I am not pleased that this is the game that made it to the top of the list this week. A guy takes three weeks off to get his head and his heart and his life right midseason, and this is what they gave me to work with? That's fine. I'll make it work. But, really – the Chiefs and the Broncos? That's the best we have on offer?

That's fine – I'll just do this one first and get it out of the way. Because as much as this game deserves to be atop these rankings for being a divisional game between teams with similar records, it wouldn't make it into the top-5 in an ideal week.

The Broncos are a team that feels like they're about to fall off a cliff at any moment. But they haven't. I can't say it's because of their defense or because of their head coach, but I can say that it's not their quarterbacks. I know that Teddy B has decent enough stats that you can make arguments for him on Twitter, but they're the same arguments I've been making for Ryan Tannehill.

It feels and looks to me like I'm trying to make the case for another year of Vic Fangio. But I'm really not sure that Denver needs another year of him. I'm really not sure what's going wrong in Denver. Pat Shurmur isn't helping things. But I'm not sure about a lot of their choices on offense. At no point has Melvin Gordon seemed to me like their best runner – I still don't understand how Phillip Lindsay and Royce Freeman were allowed to get out of town with so many miles still on their legs.

So maybe what I'm feeling is a little bit of what Broncos fans are feeling – and I don't need to puzzle it out for them. I just need to commiserate. A good quarterback would solve so many of their problems. They have good receivers. Should have good wide receivers.

And the Chiefs aren't the team everyone seems to think they are. Sure, at 7-4, they're making the Division more competitive than it really needs to be – but that's what we all want. Really, though, I'd rather have the Chiefs figure their team out in December with a few more losses than they need than get figured out in December and take a loss in the Playoffs. I can imagine that other AFC teams might make me happier to see in the Super Bowl, but I can't think of any I'd want there more than the Chiefs right now.

Steve Spagnuolo is too good a defensive coordinator for the defense to be bad all season. And funny how the chiefs getting back their best defensive player in Chris Jones has coincided with the defense playing its best. Weird.

The Broncos and Vic Fangio were the first team to “figure out” how to beat Mahomes and these Chiefs. Everyone is going to say the same thing: can the Chiefs be patient and take what the defense gives them. Because that's been the season so far. Can Mahomes and Andy Reid stay disciplined – can they run the football and take the checkdown?

The answer is and has been all season. That's really why I don't want to say that. The question is can Pringle and Hardman continue to produce when teams take Kelce and Hill out of the game? Will the Chiefs make sure they sustain the success they will surely find in the run game?

But... really, I don't have any questions for the Chiefs. I think these teams know each other well enough that this one is for watching much more than it is for predicting. If all goes well, there should be plenty to talk about after, though.

I think the Chiefs take this one. 24-27. I'm not sure the Broncos are competitive the rest of the season.